John Sierra’s Journey of Faith through AMTC

“Christ’s might does not lie in making a believer and then leaving him to shift for himself; but He who begins the good work carries it on; He who imparts the first germ of life in the dead soul, prolongs the divine existence, and strengthens it until it bursts asunder every bond of sin, and the soul leaps from earth, perfect in glory.”
-Charles Spurgeon

My brother just recently posted a wonderful note…which inspired me to write one as well. If any of you are reading this…I thank you, and ask you to bear with me as you read this. It may be lengthy in some parts, but I hope this may encourage you. I am learning new things each day about Christ, and His love. His grace goes beyond anything that I can do. His love truly has no bounds.

Many of you know that recently, I attended AMTC (most of you tagged where there with me!), a competition down in Florida. God has used that competition to shape my heart in new ways. He has opened some incredible doors; He used the staff and people at this competition to grant me, once again, a precious hope found only in Him…only in heaven.
My journey begins a bit before this competition. I ask that you take this ride with me. Perhaps, together, we might even now learn new things of the Love of Jesus Christ for us, His people.

It starts about a year ago, on a dark, rainy night in the cool of winter. I had been going through a bit of a hard time…moments that I felt alone, that no one was there for me. Life had become dull, unsatisfying, and full of hurt. Those who I had cared about most, had hurt me the most. It drove me to curl up inside of myself…to build walls, and lock people out. It climaxed on this one rainy night, as I was approaching an intersection. I remember hearing a voice…not loud…almost a whisper in my ear say to me, “You know…death is like going to sleep. Just close your eyes and drive…it will be all over before you know it.” It sounded so sweet to me due to the setting that my story had placed me in. And I listened. I closed my eyes and continued to drive toward that intersection.

Yet, I heard another voice after the first. Just as quiet…but it was sweet. It was one full of love…with a quiet pleading. It was calm, peaceful. Like jumping into a refreshingly cool pool of water, in the middle of a hot, dry summer’s day. He said, “Open your eyes. I love you, son. I have a plan for you. I will carry you.” A moment of eternity passed, or so it seemed, and I opened my eyes. Life flooded back into my veins, and my walls crumbled. I had heard the voice of my God who DID in fact care whether I lived or died.

Fast forward to this past summer (2008). For a period of 3-4 months, I sunk into a terrible depression. Once again, walls shot up. I felt I was spiraling downward, to who knows where. The voice of my God seemed to disappear…I shut myself off from all who cared about me. Friends would call, would pour into me, but none of it helped. Almost every night I ended up in some random parking lot, on top of my car, with my guitar, notebook, and pain. I would disappear for two, three hours at a time, and just cry. I felt so alone. I knew God was listening, but I needed Him to come to me, to rescue me. I didn’t allow myself to see it, but He was trying to show me He was there all the while. Through the calls of those who cared for me. Through my parents. Through His word. Through AMTC. (For, I auditioned for AMTC about this same time). These feelings, this pain, came to the worst point while sitting beside a lake in the middle of a thunderstorm. Some would call me stupid, but when life has no meaning, and you pray that you are struck and killed by lightning, reason and logic go out the door. I remember staring into that rainy, dark sky, occasionally lit by streaks of purples and bright whites, banging on my guitar, yelling at God that He didn’t exist…that if He did He would heal my heart. Immediately after this confession, I thought of a life where He did not exist. I thought about how close that lightning was, and how close I was to death, and if He wasn’t real, death was nothing. I began to whisper, as tears poured from my eyes, “please exist…please exist.”

Shortly thereafter, my pastor and I talked, and both agreed that at this point of my life, God was calling me in a different direction (if you don’t know, I was on staff at my church as the Jr. High Pastor for 2 years) He most certainly is/was…although, I was extremely scared of the idea of not knowing what to do, or where to go. I freaked out! I remember my pastor telling me of faith…that it is scary and it is one step at a time. Praise be to God, the depression left after that. However, I sunk to a different depth. One of apathy. I ended up confessing to Ms. Shakia Spears at an AMTC meeting that I hadn’t been diligent in ANYTHING. I played video games and watched TV everyday. I gave up on my dreams, desires, hopes…I cared about NOTHING. I just went through the motions. AMTC wasn’t even a remote reality in my head…so, I didn’t practice. I have a brother, named Seth Davey (well, a friend, that is a brother), and God used Him to encourage me in this other, more recent, dark time. He would always tell me to start to read, for it would open my eyes to new things. I never listened…just kinda went “yeah, yeah.” Well, for some reason (it was God), I began to read. I began to soak up the words of these authors, whom God has chosen to use in my heart, to ignite a small flame, that would grow into a raging fire through His word, and through AMTC. Hope/diligence was ignited at the competition. God opened amazing doors, none of which I deserved. He sat me across from men like Blaine Barcus (The Vice President of A & R with Sony BMG’s Provident Label), with AJ, the lead guitarist from Nevertheless, gave me the amazing opportunity to audition for 20th Century Fox, and the list goes on. All of this, gave me a hope that had died long ago. A realization of what my purpose is…and that hard work will be apart of what it is that God is calling me to. (Which, I don’t know exactly where that will be…but it’s cool. I’m gonna work my tail off in the meantime!)

The last day of AMTC, I got up and attended the devotional service, at which, Ms. Stephanie Duke spoke of returning to Christ…who desires us to return to Him. I remember having to fight NOT to flood out the place with tears…because I knew it was true. Christ’s love goes beyond anything we can do…say…or have had done to us.

Following AMTC, God blessed me with the humbling opportunity of sharing His love with a brother that I met at the competition. The whole entire situation was a God thing. His life had been filled with numerous evils. He told me that he just wanted to be loved, by anyone that would do so. I shared with Him the love of Jesus Christ. How Christ did not come to condemn the world, but to save it (John 3:16-17). He came to rescue us from the prison that we are born into. The same God that spoke those words of love to my heart the night of my contemplated suicide, is the same God who came to this earth to give His life so that we might be reunited with His love. He desires to satisfy our hearts…to heal the pain that this world has given us so much of. He wants to give you…us….the world….the lives that we never had.

I thank Jesus for His love that pushes through my walls, through my failures, through my pain, hurt, and insecurities. I pray that we all beg of Him for more of His love. For this is what will change your life. His love is what will fill the emptiness that exists in our hearts. He will be what gives you your heart back.

He will be the One who restores the life that was taken from you so long ago.

“Our God is mighty to save.”
In the arms of Grace,

John Sierra